If you can, go to some place which is safe---perhaps a friends' house, or a park, or maybe an empty lot somewhere or a library. Sit down and close your eyes. Imagine yourself in a new place where no one can harm you. You can go to the store, you can take your children (if you have any) to play in a park or go out at night to have dinner with a friend! And in all of the above, when you return to your home, you will be safe. It will be a happy place where you can paint, write, cook. . .do anything you want to do.
But how are you going to get there? Don't panic. Here are several ideas you can consider: And REMEMBER: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A FELONY!!!
1. Go to live with a relative (whom he does not know) who willing accepts you with love.
2. Go live with a good friend (whom your abuser does not know) and begin to reconstruct your new life.
If you don't have the above options, call your local Domestic Violence Shelter and see if they can get you in? There are SAFE PLACES in every state. But make the call from anywhere but home. YOU WILL BE PROTECTED!!
Friday, March 2, 2012
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Learning How to Let Go of Shame and Blame to become a SURVIVOR
When I finally filed for divorce, I was riddled with shame and blame.
He cried as if I was being the cruel individual. All the flowers I received (in his mind) made him think "I apologized. I sent her flowers. I gave her gifts."
Over and over again, these emotions would take over. But I finally developed a mantra: I WAS NOT THE ABUSER. I DID NOTHING TO CREATE THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. I HAVE NO SHAME. I HAVE NO BLAME. Repeat this daily, as often as it is necessary until you are free of feeling any reqrets. You tried everything you knew to stop the violence. The man you married or lived with gave you no indication of what was going to happen before you decided to live together. You were both in that "I love you and can't live without you stage."
We often blame ourselves for things we NEVER DID. But to be free of the past, you have to confront and deal with the truth: the feelings of Shame or Blame are not yours. They are his! And remember, you are one of millions who have experienced this. Be honest with yourself; join a group of women with similar experiences. It will help you to understand you are not alone and that you will survive!
He cried as if I was being the cruel individual. All the flowers I received (in his mind) made him think "I apologized. I sent her flowers. I gave her gifts."
Over and over again, these emotions would take over. But I finally developed a mantra: I WAS NOT THE ABUSER. I DID NOTHING TO CREATE THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. I HAVE NO SHAME. I HAVE NO BLAME. Repeat this daily, as often as it is necessary until you are free of feeling any reqrets. You tried everything you knew to stop the violence. The man you married or lived with gave you no indication of what was going to happen before you decided to live together. You were both in that "I love you and can't live without you stage."
We often blame ourselves for things we NEVER DID. But to be free of the past, you have to confront and deal with the truth: the feelings of Shame or Blame are not yours. They are his! And remember, you are one of millions who have experienced this. Be honest with yourself; join a group of women with similar experiences. It will help you to understand you are not alone and that you will survive!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
How To Leave An Abusive Relationship Safely
Leaving an abusive spouse or significant other can be very traumatic, however you are not alone. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, an estimated 1.3 million women are victims of domestic violence each year and the numbers are growing.
In so many cases, you as the victim of Domestic Violence, are under the control of your partner. He can be very loving and kind one moment and abusive the next. It can be very difficult to leave someone you may love, but it is important to focus on your future: a future without violence, abuse and fear.
Planning ahead is crucial:
Secretly begin to gather you items (clothing, jewelry, toiletries) and, if you have children, start collecting their clothing, toys,etc). Make certain you have essential documents: Birth Certificates, marriage license, diplomas and degrees and tax returns. Store them in a safe place--
either at a friends' house or in the trunk of your car. MAKE CERTAIN YOUR
ABUSIVE SPOUSE DOES NOT HAVE A KEY TO YOUR CAR. If he does, secretly remove
your key from his key ring, and replace it with a similar key which looks like your car key which looks like your car but, of course, it is not.
On the day you have selected, HAVE A FRIEND HE HAS MET WITH YOU FOR PROTECTION.
Fortunately, you have several options:
1. If you have relatives or friends close by who are willing and able to help you, take this under consideration. If children are involved, relatives might be the best place to stay if they are able to protect and guide you through your journey to freedom. They can also assist you in seeking the legal representation you will need.
2. Another option is to call a domestic violence shelter in your area. Shelters are set up where you can have privacy where you can rest and think. You will be guided by professionals who are well versed in all facets of Domestic Violence. If you do no know about the shelters in your state, you can contact THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC HOTLINE, on their website: http://www.ndvh.com. or call the toll free number: 1-800-799-SAFE. They will guide you to the shelters in your state. And soon you will discover that you are not alone!
It is crucial that you learn to believe in yourself again. Counseling will be extremely helpful as you climb your way to freedom. Repeat this mantra to yourself daily: "I am beginning a new life."
There is no shame in today's world regarding domestic violence as there has been in the past. Let go of negative thoughts such as "What did I do to deserve this?" NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED. Focus on a new future, free of fear and try to discard the feeling of helplessness.
So you don't think I am some fly-by-night eager to harvest some gripes of wrath, I understand what you are going through as I too was a victim of abuse. But you can become a SURVIVOR. When you have reached that rung of
your ladder to freedom, you will feel such peace and begin to understand that love with abuse, wasn't love at all.
In so many cases, you as the victim of Domestic Violence, are under the control of your partner. He can be very loving and kind one moment and abusive the next. It can be very difficult to leave someone you may love, but it is important to focus on your future: a future without violence, abuse and fear.
Planning ahead is crucial:
Secretly begin to gather you items (clothing, jewelry, toiletries) and, if you have children, start collecting their clothing, toys,etc). Make certain you have essential documents: Birth Certificates, marriage license, diplomas and degrees and tax returns. Store them in a safe place--
either at a friends' house or in the trunk of your car. MAKE CERTAIN YOUR
ABUSIVE SPOUSE DOES NOT HAVE A KEY TO YOUR CAR. If he does, secretly remove
your key from his key ring, and replace it with a similar key which looks like your car key which looks like your car but, of course, it is not.
On the day you have selected, HAVE A FRIEND HE HAS MET WITH YOU FOR PROTECTION.
Fortunately, you have several options:
1. If you have relatives or friends close by who are willing and able to help you, take this under consideration. If children are involved, relatives might be the best place to stay if they are able to protect and guide you through your journey to freedom. They can also assist you in seeking the legal representation you will need.
2. Another option is to call a domestic violence shelter in your area. Shelters are set up where you can have privacy where you can rest and think. You will be guided by professionals who are well versed in all facets of Domestic Violence. If you do no know about the shelters in your state, you can contact THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC HOTLINE, on their website: http://www.ndvh.com. or call the toll free number: 1-800-799-SAFE. They will guide you to the shelters in your state. And soon you will discover that you are not alone!
It is crucial that you learn to believe in yourself again. Counseling will be extremely helpful as you climb your way to freedom. Repeat this mantra to yourself daily: "I am beginning a new life."
There is no shame in today's world regarding domestic violence as there has been in the past. Let go of negative thoughts such as "What did I do to deserve this?" NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED. Focus on a new future, free of fear and try to discard the feeling of helplessness.
So you don't think I am some fly-by-night eager to harvest some gripes of wrath, I understand what you are going through as I too was a victim of abuse. But you can become a SURVIVOR. When you have reached that rung of
your ladder to freedom, you will feel such peace and begin to understand that love with abuse, wasn't love at all.
IS VERBAL ABUSE A FORM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Tommy, age 11 and his sister Abigail, age 9, launched into a breakfast food fight—started by Abigail. The mother was screaming at them to stop. Then their father, dressed in a suit and tie, came storming into the kitchen.
He turned to his wife and shook his fist. “You are useless. Either you learn how to be a mother or I’ll give them to someone who does!”
The food fight ceased immediately. The children ate breakfast in peace, giving quizzical looks at both parents then grabbed their lunches and book bags and headed out the door. Neither child said goodbye nor did their parents. So they were sent off to school with breakfast and hearts full of anger.
“Don’t you ever threaten to give our children away,” his wife said bitterly. “When are you going to learn how to be a father? Parents do not say such threatening things around or to children. So whatever triggered such a hateful remark needs to be handled.Grow up! And apologize to both of them when you get home!“
He took a sip of coffee and stared at her.“I have nothing to apologize for! You can’t seem to handle anything! There is nothing wrong with what I said. They were being brats and you were allowing it! I get enough pressure at work without having to deal with kids who think they can do anything and not be stopped. At least I stopped them!”
An hour after he left for work, the mother received a call from the school.
“We need to see you, Mrs. Johnson. Abigail is in the principal’s office now. Her father is on his way.”
She hastily dressed, her hands shaking, knowing this was going to be an awful confrontation. Abigail had hit a boy for calling her ‘stupid and useless’.
“Well,” the principal said, “Abigail, tell you parents what happened and why.”
She stammered and blurted out, “‘Cause my dad calls my mother that a lot. I’ve wanted to hit him before too.”
That statement now took verbal abuse to a new level . . . the stepping stone to Domestic Violence. According to the US Department of Agriculture, Safety, Health and Employee Welfare Division, verbal abuse often leads to Domestic Violence. The principal asked the parents to leave the room for a moment.
“Children? Can you tell me what happened this morning before school?”
Embarrassed, they each took their turn relating the morning events. When they were through, she asked the children to leave so she could talk to the parents.
The father took over the reins, changing the story to make his wife appear to be incapable as a parent. The principal told them both that the entire family needed counseling in order to resolve some of the issues. The father stood up, straightened his tie and said: “My wife needs the counseling. Not me. So if you will excuse me, I am late for work,” and stormed out of the principal’s office.
Variations of this same theme happen daily across the country. And if not handled appropriately, it can escalate to Domestic Violence. It is crucial that educators, friends, etc. encourage couples to get counseling. It can only get worse. And keep this in mind: No one knows just what happened that night when the husband returned from work.
WE ALL NEED TO GET INVOLVED----TO PROTECT THE CHILDREN, AND HOPEFULLY GUIDE THE ABUSIVE PEOPLE TO SEEK HELP! TOGETHER, WE CAN ALL MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
He turned to his wife and shook his fist. “You are useless. Either you learn how to be a mother or I’ll give them to someone who does!”
The food fight ceased immediately. The children ate breakfast in peace, giving quizzical looks at both parents then grabbed their lunches and book bags and headed out the door. Neither child said goodbye nor did their parents. So they were sent off to school with breakfast and hearts full of anger.
“Don’t you ever threaten to give our children away,” his wife said bitterly. “When are you going to learn how to be a father? Parents do not say such threatening things around or to children. So whatever triggered such a hateful remark needs to be handled.Grow up! And apologize to both of them when you get home!“
He took a sip of coffee and stared at her.“I have nothing to apologize for! You can’t seem to handle anything! There is nothing wrong with what I said. They were being brats and you were allowing it! I get enough pressure at work without having to deal with kids who think they can do anything and not be stopped. At least I stopped them!”
An hour after he left for work, the mother received a call from the school.
“We need to see you, Mrs. Johnson. Abigail is in the principal’s office now. Her father is on his way.”
She hastily dressed, her hands shaking, knowing this was going to be an awful confrontation. Abigail had hit a boy for calling her ‘stupid and useless’.
“Well,” the principal said, “Abigail, tell you parents what happened and why.”
She stammered and blurted out, “‘Cause my dad calls my mother that a lot. I’ve wanted to hit him before too.”
That statement now took verbal abuse to a new level . . . the stepping stone to Domestic Violence. According to the US Department of Agriculture, Safety, Health and Employee Welfare Division, verbal abuse often leads to Domestic Violence. The principal asked the parents to leave the room for a moment.
“Children? Can you tell me what happened this morning before school?”
Embarrassed, they each took their turn relating the morning events. When they were through, she asked the children to leave so she could talk to the parents.
The father took over the reins, changing the story to make his wife appear to be incapable as a parent. The principal told them both that the entire family needed counseling in order to resolve some of the issues. The father stood up, straightened his tie and said: “My wife needs the counseling. Not me. So if you will excuse me, I am late for work,” and stormed out of the principal’s office.
Variations of this same theme happen daily across the country. And if not handled appropriately, it can escalate to Domestic Violence. It is crucial that educators, friends, etc. encourage couples to get counseling. It can only get worse. And keep this in mind: No one knows just what happened that night when the husband returned from work.
WE ALL NEED TO GET INVOLVED----TO PROTECT THE CHILDREN, AND HOPEFULLY GUIDE THE ABUSIVE PEOPLE TO SEEK HELP! TOGETHER, WE CAN ALL MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
What Are The Warning Signs of Potential Abuse, Domestic Violence While You are Dating or Engaged?
Steve and Becky had been dating for several weeks. Becky’s friend had introduced them, told her he had been married before and had a two year old son.
When they met, the connection and infatuation was immediate. Both had high responsibility jobs which they didn’t discuss and worked ten hour days. They shared a quick wit, had equally high intelligence and seemed to bask in the glow of each other. They exchanged phone numbers but not home addresses.
Two weeks after the introduction, he sent her a lavish bouquet of flowers to the office (she assumed her friend had given him the job address) with a card that asked her to join him for dinner at a posh restaurant. She called and accepted the invitation. “I will meet you there.”
“Not necessary my princess,” he said. “I have it all arranged. I will pick you up about six, okay?”
Becky chose her words carefully. “That’s very chivalrous Steve, but I will meet you at six, okay?”
There was a brief silence. “No, my little princess, THAT is not okay. I will pick you up and that is non-negotiable, okay? I’m not comfortable having you drive around the city at night.”
Becky was irritated and abrupt. ‘Little princess?’ she thought. “At the risk of sounding rude, Steve, I will meet you there. And THAT is non-negotiable!”
“Fine,” he snapped and slammed down the phone.
At dinner that night he was gracious with a slight undertone of annoyance. “So, are you one of those women who rules the roost?”
Becky tried to keep the atmosphere amiable and laughed. “No, I compromise. So, tell me about your job?”
Steve was a mood magician. The smile was back. “Well, I’m a lawyer, soon to become a partner in the firm. I graduated top of my class at Rutgers School of Law in New Jersey and was awarded the Order of the Coif. I had so many job offers I couldn’t keep up with them. Now, let’s talk about you. Aren’t you a law clerk or a legal secretary?”
She took a sip of wine. “Well, congratulations! That is a prestigious award.” She paused, then added, “as for me, I’m a corporate attorney. I graduated from Yale Law School.”
His mood changed abruptly. He never acknowledged her achievement. “Let’s order dinner.” He summoned the waiter. And without asking Becky what she wanted, he ordered prime rib for both.
Becky interrupted. “Actually, I would prefer seafood. I would like to begin with oysters on the half shell. And what is the fish of the day?”
“Tilapia,” responded the waiter, “in a white wine sauce.”
She smiled as she handed him the menu. “Perfect! And may I also have a glass of your best Pinot Gruigio?”
“So, Steve,” she said with a smile. “I understand you have a young son. Tell me about him?”
He was quiet for a moment. “There really isn’t anything to tell. I haven’t seen him in months. His mother was awarded full custody which was fine with me. I didn’t want a child to begin with.”
The NATIONAL COALITION AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE has issued several warning signs all women need to know about while dating or engaged that could lead to Domestic Violence and Abuse. Become aware of any man who tries to use power and control over you. Look out for his tendency to intimidate you, put you down or humiliate you trying to make you feel guilty. They often create accusations of jealousy to justify their actions. There can also be demands as you progress in the relationship to quit your job. This is labeled “Economic Abuse”, preventing you from keeping a job and earning your own money.
EDUCATE YOURSELF ON THE ABOVE BEFORE YOU AGREE TO MOVE IN WITH SOMEONE, OR WORSE, TO MARRY THEM!
When they met, the connection and infatuation was immediate. Both had high responsibility jobs which they didn’t discuss and worked ten hour days. They shared a quick wit, had equally high intelligence and seemed to bask in the glow of each other. They exchanged phone numbers but not home addresses.
Two weeks after the introduction, he sent her a lavish bouquet of flowers to the office (she assumed her friend had given him the job address) with a card that asked her to join him for dinner at a posh restaurant. She called and accepted the invitation. “I will meet you there.”
“Not necessary my princess,” he said. “I have it all arranged. I will pick you up about six, okay?”
Becky chose her words carefully. “That’s very chivalrous Steve, but I will meet you at six, okay?”
There was a brief silence. “No, my little princess, THAT is not okay. I will pick you up and that is non-negotiable, okay? I’m not comfortable having you drive around the city at night.”
Becky was irritated and abrupt. ‘Little princess?’ she thought. “At the risk of sounding rude, Steve, I will meet you there. And THAT is non-negotiable!”
“Fine,” he snapped and slammed down the phone.
At dinner that night he was gracious with a slight undertone of annoyance. “So, are you one of those women who rules the roost?”
Becky tried to keep the atmosphere amiable and laughed. “No, I compromise. So, tell me about your job?”
Steve was a mood magician. The smile was back. “Well, I’m a lawyer, soon to become a partner in the firm. I graduated top of my class at Rutgers School of Law in New Jersey and was awarded the Order of the Coif. I had so many job offers I couldn’t keep up with them. Now, let’s talk about you. Aren’t you a law clerk or a legal secretary?”
She took a sip of wine. “Well, congratulations! That is a prestigious award.” She paused, then added, “as for me, I’m a corporate attorney. I graduated from Yale Law School.”
His mood changed abruptly. He never acknowledged her achievement. “Let’s order dinner.” He summoned the waiter. And without asking Becky what she wanted, he ordered prime rib for both.
Becky interrupted. “Actually, I would prefer seafood. I would like to begin with oysters on the half shell. And what is the fish of the day?”
“Tilapia,” responded the waiter, “in a white wine sauce.”
She smiled as she handed him the menu. “Perfect! And may I also have a glass of your best Pinot Gruigio?”
“So, Steve,” she said with a smile. “I understand you have a young son. Tell me about him?”
He was quiet for a moment. “There really isn’t anything to tell. I haven’t seen him in months. His mother was awarded full custody which was fine with me. I didn’t want a child to begin with.”
The NATIONAL COALITION AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE has issued several warning signs all women need to know about while dating or engaged that could lead to Domestic Violence and Abuse. Become aware of any man who tries to use power and control over you. Look out for his tendency to intimidate you, put you down or humiliate you trying to make you feel guilty. They often create accusations of jealousy to justify their actions. There can also be demands as you progress in the relationship to quit your job. This is labeled “Economic Abuse”, preventing you from keeping a job and earning your own money.
EDUCATE YOURSELF ON THE ABOVE BEFORE YOU AGREE TO MOVE IN WITH SOMEONE, OR WORSE, TO MARRY THEM!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Domestic Violence and Honesty: Are You Protecting Your Abusive Spouse/Partner
Domestic Violence and Honesty: Are you protecting your abusive spouse/partner?
It is late one evening and her spouse began to rant and rave about her job; a job which often required overtime hours but paid extremely well. She had called her husband to let him know she would be late, which he did more frequently than she did. When she walked into the kitchen, he started to yell, which quickly escalated to swearing. He demanded that she quit. She shouted back. “No, I’m not giving up my job just because you find it inconvenient!” and stormed out of the kitchen, quickly ran up the stairs to the bedroom and locked the door. Her heart pounded as she heard him stomp up the stairs. He banged on the door with a full body force until it opened. He cornered her, grabbed her by the shoulders and dragged her out of the bedroom yelling. “You’ll do what I say or you will be sorry.” Again, she fought back but lowered her voice so she wouldn’t awaken the children. “I won’t quit my job because you demanded it. Have I ever told you to quit yours?” she snarled.
His face was drawn into a menacing scowl. She had challenged his control over her. When they reached the top of the staircase, he grabbed her, clamped his hand over her mouth and in one push, sent her tumbling down the stairs. She couldn’t break the fall and hit the foyer with such force it knocked her out.
He left her there for hours and when she regained consciousness, she could not move her left arm which was swollen and bruised. He gently helped her up. “Honey, I’m so sorry you tripped. I’ll get you to an emergency room. Let me get our next door neighbor to stay with the kids.”
On the way to the hospital he told her that he would talk to the doctor, not her. After X-rays were taken, she was put in a curtained berth of the ER. After almost an hour, a doctor pulled the drape back. He put the X-rays up on the lighted panel. Her husband stood at the head of the bed, gently stroking her head.
“You have two bad breaks. Can you tell me how this happened?” She looked up at her theatrically concerned partner. “She tripped on her robe and fell down the stairs.”
Why was she protecting him? She was terrified to unveil the truth. Where would she go? What would he do to her if she did?
This scenario happens across the country DAILY. It is a part of the cycle of abuse. Fortunately, most ER’s are staffed with doctors and nurses who have been trained to recognize injuries related to domestic violence. If she had told the truth, the ER would have called the police who would have taken him into custody. To lie and protect your abuser is only creating more abuse for you and possible death.
It is time to take control of your life. There are so many facilities to aid victims of domestic violence. They can get you to a safe place where the abuser will not be able to find you, and if you have children, to protect them as well. The ER in your state or the police will give you a list of shelters and hotline numbers in your area. DO NO DELAY. You can also call the NATIONAL DOMESTIC HOTLINE toll free number: 1-800-799-SAFE.
It is late one evening and her spouse began to rant and rave about her job; a job which often required overtime hours but paid extremely well. She had called her husband to let him know she would be late, which he did more frequently than she did. When she walked into the kitchen, he started to yell, which quickly escalated to swearing. He demanded that she quit. She shouted back. “No, I’m not giving up my job just because you find it inconvenient!” and stormed out of the kitchen, quickly ran up the stairs to the bedroom and locked the door. Her heart pounded as she heard him stomp up the stairs. He banged on the door with a full body force until it opened. He cornered her, grabbed her by the shoulders and dragged her out of the bedroom yelling. “You’ll do what I say or you will be sorry.” Again, she fought back but lowered her voice so she wouldn’t awaken the children. “I won’t quit my job because you demanded it. Have I ever told you to quit yours?” she snarled.
His face was drawn into a menacing scowl. She had challenged his control over her. When they reached the top of the staircase, he grabbed her, clamped his hand over her mouth and in one push, sent her tumbling down the stairs. She couldn’t break the fall and hit the foyer with such force it knocked her out.
He left her there for hours and when she regained consciousness, she could not move her left arm which was swollen and bruised. He gently helped her up. “Honey, I’m so sorry you tripped. I’ll get you to an emergency room. Let me get our next door neighbor to stay with the kids.”
On the way to the hospital he told her that he would talk to the doctor, not her. After X-rays were taken, she was put in a curtained berth of the ER. After almost an hour, a doctor pulled the drape back. He put the X-rays up on the lighted panel. Her husband stood at the head of the bed, gently stroking her head.
“You have two bad breaks. Can you tell me how this happened?” She looked up at her theatrically concerned partner. “She tripped on her robe and fell down the stairs.”
Why was she protecting him? She was terrified to unveil the truth. Where would she go? What would he do to her if she did?
This scenario happens across the country DAILY. It is a part of the cycle of abuse. Fortunately, most ER’s are staffed with doctors and nurses who have been trained to recognize injuries related to domestic violence. If she had told the truth, the ER would have called the police who would have taken him into custody. To lie and protect your abuser is only creating more abuse for you and possible death.
It is time to take control of your life. There are so many facilities to aid victims of domestic violence. They can get you to a safe place where the abuser will not be able to find you, and if you have children, to protect them as well. The ER in your state or the police will give you a list of shelters and hotline numbers in your area. DO NO DELAY. You can also call the NATIONAL DOMESTIC HOTLINE toll free number: 1-800-799-SAFE.
Domestic Violence: The Effects on Children in the Household
“Mommy, Mommy,” cried the seven year old. “You have blood on your face and in your hair,” she said in a fearful voice.
“It’s okay sweetheart. Mommy just fell in the shower.”
She was silent for a moment than said, “I heard Daddy yelling at you last night. It woke me up.
Will he hurt my sister and me too?”
Her mother lied. “No honey. Daddy didn’t do this. He loves us. You must have had a bad dream.”
For years, similar episodes occurred. The mother thought she was protecting her young but as they grew, their behavior became difficult. The youngest withdrew into her shell, staying in her room with the door closed, refusing to invite friends over when her father was home. The oldest, who had been an honor student, became belligerent. Her grades began to drop and she would refuse to go to school. In the middle of the night, she would often wake screaming for help. Her father would leap out of bed, charge into her room and demand that she stop screaming or he would get his belt and give her a spanking she would never forget!
As her oldest child (13) entered her teens, this once well-disciplined child would sneak out of the house at night when her father was away on business trips and meet boys. Both children would cry if their mother reprimanded them.
Exhausted and frightened, the mother took both children to see a psychologist. The doctor would not permit the mother in the room. After an hour session, the doctor asked the girls to sit in the waiting room and asked the mother to come in. The psychologist said: “Your children are being traumatized by their father.” She paused then asked, “Are you an abused wife?”
After a few minutes the mother lifted her head and said, “Yes. But I am trying to fix it.” The doctor told her she needed help and to get out of the house and the marriage, for her safety and the safety of her children.
When the bill came and their father saw it, he demanded she stop taking the children. “This is on my company medical insurance,” he shouted. “I won’t have my kids going to some shrink. Do you understand?” He slapped her then added, “You are causing this. Learn how to be a decent mother and this won’t be necessary!”
Similar occurrences happen in households throughout the county. According to the National Center for Children Exposed to Violence, there are 3 to 10 MILLION CHILDREN AFFECTED ANNUALLY.
You need to protect yourself and your family before it is too late. IT IS TIME FOR YOU AS THE MOTHER TO MAKE ARRANGEMENTS TO LEAVE AND GO TO A SAFE PLACE. DO NOT WAIT, DO NOT HESITATE. YOUR LIFE AND THE LIVES OF YOUR CHILDREN DEPEND ON YOUR BRAVERY TO TAKE THAT IMPORTANT STEP. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO PROTECT YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!!
You can contact the National Center for Children Exposed to Violence @ nccev.org, or call @ 203-785-7047, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline toll free: 1-800-799-SAFE.
Please visit my website: http://www.domesticchronicle.com. I was in an abusive marriage for eighteen years. My book describes what happened and how I escaped. FOR WORSE NEVER BETTER: Diary of An Abused Wife and Escape to Freedom can help you. Order @ authorhouse.com (soft cover) and 50% of proceeds will go to the CHRYSALIS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTER!
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“It’s okay sweetheart. Mommy just fell in the shower.”
She was silent for a moment than said, “I heard Daddy yelling at you last night. It woke me up.
Will he hurt my sister and me too?”
Her mother lied. “No honey. Daddy didn’t do this. He loves us. You must have had a bad dream.”
For years, similar episodes occurred. The mother thought she was protecting her young but as they grew, their behavior became difficult. The youngest withdrew into her shell, staying in her room with the door closed, refusing to invite friends over when her father was home. The oldest, who had been an honor student, became belligerent. Her grades began to drop and she would refuse to go to school. In the middle of the night, she would often wake screaming for help. Her father would leap out of bed, charge into her room and demand that she stop screaming or he would get his belt and give her a spanking she would never forget!
As her oldest child (13) entered her teens, this once well-disciplined child would sneak out of the house at night when her father was away on business trips and meet boys. Both children would cry if their mother reprimanded them.
Exhausted and frightened, the mother took both children to see a psychologist. The doctor would not permit the mother in the room. After an hour session, the doctor asked the girls to sit in the waiting room and asked the mother to come in. The psychologist said: “Your children are being traumatized by their father.” She paused then asked, “Are you an abused wife?”
After a few minutes the mother lifted her head and said, “Yes. But I am trying to fix it.” The doctor told her she needed help and to get out of the house and the marriage, for her safety and the safety of her children.
When the bill came and their father saw it, he demanded she stop taking the children. “This is on my company medical insurance,” he shouted. “I won’t have my kids going to some shrink. Do you understand?” He slapped her then added, “You are causing this. Learn how to be a decent mother and this won’t be necessary!”
Similar occurrences happen in households throughout the county. According to the National Center for Children Exposed to Violence, there are 3 to 10 MILLION CHILDREN AFFECTED ANNUALLY.
You need to protect yourself and your family before it is too late. IT IS TIME FOR YOU AS THE MOTHER TO MAKE ARRANGEMENTS TO LEAVE AND GO TO A SAFE PLACE. DO NOT WAIT, DO NOT HESITATE. YOUR LIFE AND THE LIVES OF YOUR CHILDREN DEPEND ON YOUR BRAVERY TO TAKE THAT IMPORTANT STEP. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO PROTECT YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!!
You can contact the National Center for Children Exposed to Violence @ nccev.org, or call @ 203-785-7047, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline toll free: 1-800-799-SAFE.
Please visit my website: http://www.domesticchronicle.com. I was in an abusive marriage for eighteen years. My book describes what happened and how I escaped. FOR WORSE NEVER BETTER: Diary of An Abused Wife and Escape to Freedom can help you. Order @ authorhouse.com (soft cover) and 50% of proceeds will go to the CHRYSALIS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTER!
Labels: children, Domestic Violence
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Labels: children, domestic violence
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