When I finally filed for divorce, I was riddled with shame and blame.
He cried as if I was being the cruel individual. All the flowers I received (in his mind) made him think "I apologized. I sent her flowers. I gave her gifts."
Over and over again, these emotions would take over. But I finally developed a mantra: I WAS NOT THE ABUSER. I DID NOTHING TO CREATE THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. I HAVE NO SHAME. I HAVE NO BLAME. Repeat this daily, as often as it is necessary until you are free of feeling any reqrets. You tried everything you knew to stop the violence. The man you married or lived with gave you no indication of what was going to happen before you decided to live together. You were both in that "I love you and can't live without you stage."
We often blame ourselves for things we NEVER DID. But to be free of the past, you have to confront and deal with the truth: the feelings of Shame or Blame are not yours. They are his! And remember, you are one of millions who have experienced this. Be honest with yourself; join a group of women with similar experiences. It will help you to understand you are not alone and that you will survive!
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