Signs of Domestic Violence in the Workplace: Helping a Coworker

You have noticed a coworker in the breakroom, or the bathroom whom you do not know well. She is shy but friendly. Over the past year, she has come to work with bruises on her face, not completely concealed by heavy makeup.  Last week, she showed up with a cast on her left arm.  You suspect she is being abused and want to help, but how? You do not know her well so you must be very cautious not to frighten her or jeopardize her job.

1.  First and foremost, gather information at home, not at the office.  Locate a list of Domestic Violence Shelters in the area with names, phone numbers and addresses.  Research Domestic Violence so you have a clear understanding of victims and what will be most beneficial for your coworker. Make a list and include: Domestic Violence laws in your state; her rights under the law; relatives living close to her who might be able to help.
2.  If your company has an employee manual, read it to see if there are any policies for Domestic Violence.
3.  Slowly begin to befriend her. Compliment her hair or clothing. Try and find out her birthdate. This will give you an "in" to invite her to lunch.
4.  You have noticed that while most of the employees go out for lunch, she eats at her desk. Take the next step by bringing your lunch to work. When you pass her office and see she is eating, knock lightly on her door. "Hi there," you say cheerfully. "I don't like eating alone. May I join you?"
5.  She is pleasantly receptive, quickly pulling up a chair for you. They talk about their children, the job. You bring up your husband, however, she does not offer any comments about her spouse.
6.  You know she is about your age, in her thirties. You exchange information about where you were born and your birthdates.
7.  "Great," you say. "I would love to take you to lunch. Deal?"
8.  She graciously accepts. It is only two weeks away.  "You pick the restaurant," I tell her.
9.  Prepare for the lunch date. Try and get her to talk. If you know someone in your family or friends who have been victims of domestic violence, let her know and take it from there. Promise her confidentiality between them. Give her the information you have gathered by saying,"I really like you and will help you in any way I can."
10. She is nervous but accepts the information. "I will have to keep it in my office," she says. "But thank you."
11. As they drive back to work, her coworker seems nervous but reaches over and touches your hand.
"Thank you for caring," she says.  "I want to be free!"

On To New Beginnings: How a Brave Woman Escaped From Domestic Violence and Abuse

I received such a JOYFUL email this morning from a young woman who had read my book then filled out the form on the first page of my website. "The lights came on," she said. "And I knew I had the
power within to get my children and I OUT OF A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE household I had been in for almost nine years!"

"Your book made me understand what I was doing and why," she wrote.  "It will be a long road but my 3 children and I are safe now, in counseling with SO MUCH SUPPORT from our local shelter.  I can't thank you enough for having the courage to write your book.  You gave me the JOLT I needed to end a life of fear.  And I was surprised by your sense of humor! I will keep this book the rest of my life.  You are my hero!"

Of course I cried, then responded!  "You are the hero!  Good luck and keep in touch!"

Are You Being ABUSED? Don't Wait until you are ABUSED, AGAIN!

In my book, many people ask me why I stayed so long in the marriage.  The answer is not a simple one.
My abuse began in 1967.  It was not a topic ANYONE discussed.  There were no shelters or laws against Domestic Violence---WHICH IS NOW A FELONY!  And yes, I thought I could change him.
I was so wrong.  If you are being abused by a spouse or partner, make the decision TO GET OUT NOW.
I stayed for too many years in a love-hate relationship and was severely injured several times. . .injuries that are still creating health problems in 2011!  I urge you to get help NOW.
And, if you have a job, go to your boss, be totally honest with what is happening and explain that you need to get out!  There are few bosses that will not understand the life-threatening environment you are in. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM. 

CALL THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE toll free number: 1-800-799-SAFE
You can contact me on my website @ http://domesticviolencechronicle.com/. 
HERE'S TO YOUR BRAVERY AND A PEACEFUL LIFE!

Abuse, Domestic Violence Against Men

As a volunteer guest speaker for CHRYSALIS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTER, I have been overwhelmed by the number of men, some husbands and others in same-sex relationships who are being abused.  For years, Domestic Violence focused only on women.  But the abuse and violence AGAINST MEN IS ESCALATING.  I have met some outstanding men in my work with CHRYSALIS who have been brutally beaten and abused by their partners. Fortunately, organizations helping domestic violence victims have become more aware of this serious problem and are now in a better position to help male victims.

If you or someone you know is being abused, urge them to contact:  THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE.  The toll free number is:  1-800-799-7233; or victims can contact SAFE (Stop Abuse For Everyone) @ their website:  http://www.safe-4all.org/.

I urge everyone TO GET INVOLVED.  Together we can reach the goal of ending Domestic Violence!