Steve and Becky had been dating for several weeks. Becky’s friend had introduced them, told her he had been married before and had a two year old son.
When they met, the connection and infatuation was immediate. Both had high responsibility jobs which they didn’t discuss and worked ten hour days. They shared a quick wit, had equally high intelligence and seemed to bask in the glow of each other. They exchanged phone numbers but not home addresses.
Two weeks after the introduction, he sent her a lavish bouquet of flowers to the office (she assumed her friend had given him the job address) with a card that asked her to join him for dinner at a posh restaurant. She called and accepted the invitation. “I will meet you there.”
“Not necessary my princess,” he said. “I have it all arranged. I will pick you up about six, okay?”
Becky chose her words carefully. “That’s very chivalrous Steve, but I will meet you at six, okay?”
There was a brief silence. “No, my little princess, THAT is not okay. I will pick you up and that is non-negotiable, okay? I’m not comfortable having you drive around the city at night.”
Becky was irritated and abrupt. ‘Little princess?’ she thought. “At the risk of sounding rude, Steve, I will meet you there. And THAT is non-negotiable!”
“Fine,” he snapped and slammed down the phone.
At dinner that night he was gracious with a slight undertone of annoyance. “So, are you one of those women who rules the roost?”
Becky tried to keep the atmosphere amiable and laughed. “No, I compromise. So, tell me about your job?”
Steve was a mood magician. The smile was back. “Well, I’m a lawyer, soon to become a partner in the firm. I graduated top of my class at Rutgers School of Law in New Jersey and was awarded the Order of the Coif. I had so many job offers I couldn’t keep up with them. Now, let’s talk about you. Aren’t you a law clerk or a legal secretary?”
She took a sip of wine. “Well, congratulations! That is a prestigious award.” She paused, then added, “as for me, I’m a corporate attorney. I graduated from Yale Law School.”
His mood changed abruptly. He never acknowledged her achievement. “Let’s order dinner.” He summoned the waiter. And without asking Becky what she wanted, he ordered prime rib for both.
Becky interrupted. “Actually, I would prefer seafood. I would like to begin with oysters on the half shell. And what is the fish of the day?”
“Tilapia,” responded the waiter, “in a white wine sauce.”
She smiled as she handed him the menu. “Perfect! And may I also have a glass of your best Pinot Gruigio?”
“So, Steve,” she said with a smile. “I understand you have a young son. Tell me about him?”
He was quiet for a moment. “There really isn’t anything to tell. I haven’t seen him in months. His mother was awarded full custody which was fine with me. I didn’t want a child to begin with.”
The NATIONAL COALITION AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE has issued several warning signs all women need to know about while dating or engaged that could lead to Domestic Violence and Abuse. Become aware of any man who tries to use power and control over you. Look out for his tendency to intimidate you, put you down or humiliate you trying to make you feel guilty. They often create accusations of jealousy to justify their actions. There can also be demands as you progress in the relationship to quit your job. This is labeled “Economic Abuse”, preventing you from keeping a job and earning your own money.
EDUCATE YOURSELF ON THE ABOVE BEFORE YOU AGREE TO MOVE IN WITH SOMEONE, OR WORSE, TO MARRY THEM!
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